Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
