So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
