you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
