yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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