so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
