when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
