So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
