craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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