I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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