I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
