Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
