Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
