mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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