Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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