You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
