i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
