I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
