Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
