i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
