You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
