I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
