How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
