Welp...herpes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
