What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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