i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
