Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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