I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she smelled like a LAN party
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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