Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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