I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
