I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
