I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
