remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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