I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
