If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
