My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
