I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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