I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
