I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
