I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
