He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
