We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
