I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
