big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
