I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
