Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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