He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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