Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
