I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
