You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
