Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
