i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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