I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
