So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
