The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
