please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
