I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
