bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
